


Next Time You Fall In Love

by voltarrrrr



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Depressive Thoughts, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Everything Hurts, Fear of Abandonment, Grief/Mourning, Heavy Angst, Implied/Referenced Sex, Jean is Suffering, M/M, Marlo is Pure and Trying His Best, Panic Attacks, Past Character Death, Past Marco Bott/Jean Kirstein, Past Relationship(s), Sad Ending, The Author Regrets Everything
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-07
Updated: 2021-01-07
Packaged: 2021-03-17 13:41:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,866
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28600839
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/voltarrrrr/pseuds/voltarrrrr
Summary: Jean Kirschtein doesn't like being left alone.He and Marlo have to learn that the hard way.Tears fall. Promises are made.
Relationships: Jean Kirstein/Marlo Sand | Marlowe Freudenberg, Marco Bott/Jean Kirstein
Comments: 4
Kudos: 13





	Next Time You Fall In Love

Jean awoke at the earliest crack of dawn, his naked body safely tucked beneath his warm blanket.  
The time of his awaken wasn't unusual; he barely managed to sleep more than four hours lately.  
His eyes weren't even open, the exhaustion rooted deep within his sore body.

Soreness, he thought...

Only half awake, Jean's thoughts drifted off to his nightly activities. Merely a couple of hours had passed.  
He vaguely remembered having some sort of conversation with Marlo after dinner. The next thing he could remember was how he suddenly kissed Marlo. And Marlo had kissed him back, in the heat of the moment.

Jean felt his chest fluttering at that thought and he hummed absently as he tried to fall back to sleep with the freshly recalled memories on his mind.

He remembered them stumbling into his room, still kissing, Marlo's knee pushing hard against his crotch. He also remembered gentle hands wrapping around his hard on. Soft lips leaving kisses on his sensitive neck.

A quiet groan emitted from Jean as he buried his face deep into his pillow.  
For a moment he wasn't exactly sure if those were actual memories of the night or if he was still dreaming.

But he was pretty sure he remembered those same hands gripping on to his hips as he was bent over. He remembered Marlo pushing inside him and pulling out. Their sweat covered bodies pressed against each other.  
The desperate groaning and grunting still rung in Jean's ears.  
The way they cuddled and kissed even after the heat and passion were gone.  
This most certainly hadn't been a dream.

It would explain the soreness, Jean thought while softly smiling to himself.  
It had been a long time since he had felt so free and careless.  
And Marlo-

Marlo!

Jean's eyes shot open and his smile dropped. He stared at the space next to him but it was empty.  
No Marlo.

Jean absently gripped the empty sheets as he slowly sat up, still staring.  
He clearly remembered falling asleep next to the new recruit.  
He remembered Marlo's comforting embrace.  
He remembered his warmth, most of all.

Now that he was more or less fully awake, the memories of the night returned once more. Clear as day this time.

Jean sat there in absolute silence, still tightly holding on to the fabric beneath him.  
He couldn't stop staring at the side of the bed that was left empty.  
Muscles tightened and the euphoric memories from before turned dark.

Jean took a deep, shaky breath and in the same process felt tears dwelling up in his eyes.

He didn't understand why.  
Why Marlo left.  
Why it bothered him so much.  
Why he felt himself breaking out in tears any second.

His thoughts began to get blurry and he couldn't concentrate on thinking straight.  
It was as if something kept him from breathing and he was about to choke, slowly but surely getting closer to his inevitable fate.  
Jean instinctively clenched his jaw.  
The knuckles of his hands started turning white as the grip on the bedsheets grew ever stronger, more forlorn and also convulsive in a way.

It was a mixture of grief, anger and desperation dwelling deep within him, daring to break out all at once if just-

"Oh, you're awake! I hope I didn't wake you", a voice spoke gently.

Marlo had entered the room, balancing two cups in his hands, smiling. He pushed the door close and then glanced at the sitting figure once more. Jean didn't move. He wouldn't even take notice of his arrival.

"Jean?", Marlo asked, brows furrowed, smile faltering. He approached the bed and carefully sat down the cups down on the bedside table. "Jean, is everything alright?"

At last Jean finally looked up, staring at Marlo with big watery eyes.

"I thought you-", he barely managed to whisper before his voice broke and a loud sob left his mouth instead.

Marlo didn't hesitate a second before getting in bed again and pulling the other close, worry clearly written on his face.

He didn't understand why.  
Why Jean was so upset.  
Why he was violently shaking.  
Why he was crying.

But there was no logical answer in that moment.  
Jean just kept sobbing, tears streaming out of his eyes while his hands weakly gripped on to Marlo's shirt, face buried in his chest.

He felt so lost. So pathetic. So embarrassed. So hopeless.

He wasn't supposed to cry.  
He wasn't supposed to be weak.  
He was a soldier after all!

Marlo's hand carefully brushed through Jean's messy hair, trying to comfort him but it was painfully obvious how helpless he felt by doing so.  
But Jean didn't protest at the touch so Marlo kept going, genuinely hoping it might help.

And it eventually did.  
After a couple of minutes, Jean's sobs became less frequent and they got more quiet until they eventually stopped altogether.

Silence reigned over the two of them while Marlo's hand kept running through his hair in a soothing manner, his other arm holding him close to his chest.  
Even if his crying had stopped, Jean was still shaking and felt limp in the other's gentle embrace. He took a deep breath while revelling in the aftermath of his emotional outbreak.

"You should drink something", Marlo suddenly hummed quietly and carefully lifted Jean's face from his chest. He leaned over to the bedside table to get one of the cups and handed it to the other with an encouraging smile.

Jean didn't dare to look Marlo in the eyes but spoke an almost silent "Thank you", before accepting the cup.  
His throat felt sore but the warm liquid gave him a short - but sweet nonetheless - moment of much appreciated comfort.  
Yet he merely had managed to take a couple of sips when Marlo had already noticed his shaking hands, struggling to hold the cup for a longer amount of time.  
The recruit gently placed his hands above Jean's and took the cup from him to place it aside again. Jean still didn't dare to look up, too ashamed by his previous outbreak.

He sighed.  
"I-I'm sorry, I didn't mean to... you know...", he spoke weakly, trying to make sense of himself and the situation.

"You don't need to apologize", Marlo interfered quickly.  
Helplessly he tried to find some comforting words for the other and at last settled for a slightly nervous: "Sometimes I cry too if that makes it any better."

At that, Jean finally lifted his glance to find Marlo awkwardly smiling at him, it was almost cute.

"Thanks", he replied quietly, trying to return the smile but failing miserably as the corners of his mouth merely twitched the slightest bit and made Jean feel ridiculous.  
"Fuck", he then cursed at himself, frustrated that not even a simple thing like this would work out.  
He was making such a big fuss about nothing and on top of that wasn't able to show some simple gratitude towards Marlo who was generous enough to put up with his bullshit.  
But Marlo didn't mind. On the contrary! He immediately noticed Jean's frustration and saw new tears forming in the other's eyes, lips tightly pressed together in order to suppress the urge to cry again.

Panic arose in Marlo as he witnessed his comrade on the brink of breaking down once more and without thinking twice he did the next plausible thing.  
He awkwardly shuffled around to lay down and pull Jean with him, gently wrapping him up in a caring embrace.

Clinging on to the recruit again, Jean let out a shaky breath he didn't know he was holding in all the time and felt the entire tension in his body relax again.  
He had no energy left to cry. Only quiet, tired whimpering emitted from him.  
But something about Marlo's presence relieved Jean to no end.  
It was incredibly comforting to feel his warmth and experience his small touches led by nothing more than genuine care. Eventually Jean managed to calm down.

They didn't speak and Marlo listened to Jean's steady breathing, glad that he had finally managed to find some peace. Yet he wondered what it was that had caused Jean so much trouble and pain. After all he would very much like to spare him that in the future, if he only possibly could that was.  
He didn't like seeing Jean all upset.

Marlo figured that he had no other choice than to ask if he wanted to know and after a few moments of hesitation and going through what he wanted to say in his head, he spoke:  
"I know this isn't the best time and I also know that you probably don't wanna talk about it but-"

"It was because you left."

Marlo hasn't expected to receive a quick and clear answer like this and the surprise was clearly written on his face.  
He glanced down at Jean as the other carefully shuffled out of their embrace.  
They were now both lying on their sides, facing each other.  
Still, Jean hesitated to actually look at Marlo.  
Jean Still looked incredibly sad, the recruit noted.

"I'm sorry..., I didn't know it would upset you so much", Marlo apologized and felt genuinely bad about Jean's confession. If he had known beforehand, he definetly wouldn't have left in the first place.

"It's okay. You couldn't know", Jean waved it off and sighed in defeat.  
"I didn't know either", he added quietly.  
"I just... I just don't like... being left."

And as Jean spoke those words out loud, he realised something. The reason for his outbreak. And if he still had any tears left, he would have cried.  
He would have cried for Marco.  
He would have cried and ask himself how the fuck he was supposed to carry on, like he had done so many times already.  
Fuck, he was scared.  
Why had Marco left him?

Jean scrunched up his nose in pain, his thoughts harassing his already fragile mind. He swore if he had to spend one more second thinking about-

"I'll keep that in mind for the next time."

Jean blinked a couple of times, wondering if what he had heard had just been another creation of his mind but when he finally looked up, he found Marlo softly smiling at him.

"I won't leave you again, I promise", Marlo hummed and gently cupped Jean's face in his hand, brushing over his cheek with his thumb in an affectionate way.

Jean couldn't help but weakly smile back, weirdly touched by the recruit's sudden pledge.

Marlo promised it, he thought as he looked into those grey eyes filled with honesty, care and hope.

It was ridiculous because Jean knew that sooner or later Marlo would break that promise. Whether it was for a cup of tea in the morning or for humanity's sake. But Marlo would leave him. Just like Marco had left him.

Still Jean clung on to that promise as if it had any meaning while deep down inside he secretly hoped that maybe - yes, maybe this time - he would be the first of two to leave.

That would make everything a lot less painful.

**Author's Note:**

> I think I made myself cry with this one whoops--  
> I apologize to everyone who had to read this!


End file.
